Free phones

To the Editor:

I was reading the article about free cell phones for low-income households the other day, and I just had to smile. You see my parents told me years ago that really nothing is free. But I think it’s good to help those that are less fortunate than I, and in reading the article I see they are going to be used to help find jobs, talk with child-care providers, and emergencies – so it’s all good, right?

I see now that we have “the right to communicate in pace with technology” and the money for these free cell phones comes, in part, from the Universal Service Charge billed to my cell.

Now my wife is looking for a job and she does a lot on our computer, working on her resume and looking online for job postings. So maybe we could find some free computers and when it’s time for me to get a new computer, they could charge me a little more, you know, to pay for the free ones.

Oh, and don’t forget those free computers will need free Internet access, so maybe I could pay more for my access to help out.

Now, when jobs are found using all this free stuff, how are they going to get to their jobs? Wait, I know, free cars … yes! And just send the bill to me in the form of a higher license plate fee.

But wait, it would be a shame to park those free cars outside. If we could get some free garages with free homes attached, life would be perfect! And, of course, it’s on me. Just go ahead and raise my property tax so I can pay my fair share.

You know, now that everything is free, could someone tell me why I’m still working?

Jim Schuldt