Getting the maximum MPJ (miles per joke)

FATHER’S DAZE
Emmitt B. Feldner  for The Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: Our columnist has vacated the premises for a few days – with everyone’s approval – so we’re filling the space this week with this previous effort.

There are times when it doesn’t pay to be too comically creative.

One of those times, we learned last week, is when your audience is an almost-five-yearold grandson.

We took Aiden along on a shopping trip to several stores about half an hour drive away and stopped for lunch at a Subway restaurant.

It seemed innocent enough, but it came back to haunt us on the trip back home.

From the back seat, Aiden started going “Knock, knock?” but it turned out he didn’t have an answer for the follow-up question.

So, trying to be helpful, I said “Knock, knock” to him.

“Who’s there?”

“Aiden.”

“Aiden who?” (At least he knew his part).

“Aiden in Subway for lunch today!”

Granted, that doesn’t rank up there with Groucho Marx or George Carlin but, hey, they both got paid a lot more money for being funny – and yes, they were both better at it, but that’s beside the point.

Aiden thought it was hilarious – but then again, he doesn’t know Marx or Carlin, so I really didn’t have that high a bar to clear with my effort.

In fact, he liked it so much that we had to repeat the same joke for the rest of the half-hour ride home – first Poppie would do it, then Mee-Mee, then Aiden.

The joke did lose a little in the Aiden translation, as he never quite got the punchline right – it usually came out “Aiden here for lunch!” But that didn’t dampen his enthusiasm for the joke.

In the meantime, Poppie and Mee-Mee were frantically combing our memories for any other knock-knock joke that could break the endless loop Aiden had us stuck in, but to no avail.

Mee-Mee couldn’t recall any, and the only ones I could remember referenced old songs Aiden has never heard and would have been completely lost on him, to wit:

“Jester.”

“Jester who?”

“Jester gigolo!”

Or:

“Sam and Janet.”

“Sam and Janet who?”

“Sam and Janet evening!”

I finally got desperate enough to try:

“Mee-Mee.”

“Mee-Mee who?”

“Mee-Mee tired tired of of this this joke joke!”

But that didn’t work, as he just returned to “Aiden here for lunch!” when it was his turn and demanded the same line from Poppie and Mee-Mee.

The only thing left was to be thankful it was only a half-hour drive and that I hadn’t come up with this joke last November when we were riding back in the car from New York with him.

That would have made that a true 14 hours from hell and destroyed anybody’s sense of humor.


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