He’s making big plans of some sort for his future

FATHER’S DAZE
Emmitt B. Feldner  for The Review

Our grandson Aiden apparently has some ambitious plans for his future – although I’m not sure there plans he really wants to follow through on.

For the moment at least he’s committed to them, though, and is happy to let us – and others – know what they are.

The first came a few weeks ago when he went to the grocery store with me in the afternoon to pick up a few things.

As we were making our way through the aisles, Aiden informed that, when he gets older, he’s going to eat 99 hot dogs.

He didn’t elaborate on his pronouncement, so I don’t know if that’s 99 hot dogs at one sitting; 99 hot dogs over a period of days, weeks, or months; or 99 hot dogs over the entire period of his adulthood.

I do know that 99 hot dogs at one sitting would definitely be a new world’s record, although I’m hoping that he’s not intending to grow up and earn a living on the professional competitive eating circuit – it might be a good living, but I have to question how healthy or long it might actually be.

He didn’t specify whether the 99 hot dogs would be with or without bun, but to qualify for a world record he would have to include the buns.

I did ask him when he planned to tackle this gastronomic feat and he answered, “Nine thirty.”

That only caused more puzzlement.

Did he mean he expected to be grown up by 9:30 that night and ready to consume all those hot dogs?

If so, it would mean I’d have to add a dozen or so packages of hot dogs and a dozen or so packages of hot dog buns to our shopping cart right away.

Or did he mean he was going to consume all those hot dogs on the 30th day of some September in the future, in a year yet to be determined?

I was still no clearer on his meaning when we happened to run into one of our neighbors who was also shopping for groceries.

Aiden proceeded to tell her all about his gustatory ambitions, complete with the “Nine thirty” timeline, and urge her to make sure she put it on her schedule.

That night came and went without him consuming 99 hot dogs – or even one, he had his current favorite food, pizza, for supper – so I guess we’re going to have keep our Sept. 30s open for the foreseeable future.

A few days later, Mee-Mee took him for dinner through the drive-through at a local fast-food restaurant – the one with the big golden arches – and he had his other favorite, a chicken nugget kids’ meal.

It came with a Power Ranger toy and he proceeded to advise the woman at the drive-through window what he thought the company should do.

It seems he advised her that they should put all the Power Rangers toys in a big bag and go around handing them out to every little kid they could find – apparently rather than having them all come to the restaurant to get the toys with their meals.

Again, Aiden didn’t make the specifics of this particular plan entirely clear.

For instance, he didn’t say whether the people at the restaurant should be in charge of this distribution plan or if Aiden would take care of it himself, as long as they supplied him with the toys and the bag.

Maybe he sees himself as some sort of kids’ meal toy Santa Claus, although I’m not sure if that job is quite that product-specific.

I also have to wonder whether, if Aiden got his hands on that many Power Ranger toys – or any other toys, for that matter – he would really want to give all of them away.

Then again, considering what it would cost and what kind of space it would take up to keep all those toys, he might well be motivated to get rid of them all as soon as possible.

All I know is, I can’t wait to hear what Aiden’s next big plan will be.


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