An invasion of Feldners

FATHER’S DAZE
Emmitt B. Feldner  for The Review

There are a multitude of terms for collections of animals of all kinds.

There’s a crash of rhinoceroses, a mob of emus, a confusion of guinea fowls, a wreck of seabirds, and a murder of magpies or crows – although shouldn’t that last one be a counting of crows?

So what do you call it when 11 Feldners get together in one local fast-food restaurant?

An invasion would probably be the best word for it – and the most accurate.

When my brother Jim and sister-in-law Mary visited last month, it meant we had to have a family get-together with all their nephews, nieces-in-law and grand-nephews – if that’s the right term.

We thought about a barbecue in the park, but even with a ratio of eight adults to three little boys, that seemed like too much wide open space to go chasing three grandsons/grand-nephews around.

So we settled on all going out for dinner to a local fast-food restaurant – the one that butters its burgers and freezes its custard.

Fortunately, they have a big corner table that we could squeeze just about everybody into – although as the last one to take a seat, I was squeezed out and had to grab a chair from another table to pull up to a corner of our table.

Aiden’s been out to the old Feldner homestead in New York to see Mary and his Uncle Dum-Dum – it’s what Jim’s daughter and niece taught Aiden to call him, not me – a few times.

But Nolan hasn’t made it out there yet, and it’s been probably a half-dozen years or so since Ty’s been out there, so introductions and reintroductions were made all around.

Everybody got all their food ordered and we settled down in the booth to dine – although some were more settled than others.

Somehow, the three grandsons wound up all sitting next to each other, which provided for the usual distractions to the third power and beyond.

Jim and Mary aren’t grandparents yet, so it was a bit of an immersion for them all at once.

It was something like jumping into the deep end, but they both made sure that they had at least one or more parent and/or grandparent between them and the gaggle of grandsons.

Actually, having the three of them sandwiched in the middle of all the adults did prove to be a bit of a control measure, although all three of them did try crawling out under the table to escape, but it didn’t work.

Since I was at the end of the table, I did my best hockey goalie imitation and kept shooting them back into their seats.

We managed to get through the meal and get things pretty much back to order at the restaurant, but I did notice that Jim and Mary wasted no time getting back to our house and opening up a few beers – to calm their nerves after the invasion, no doubt.


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