Keeping up with the Joneses is easier than keeping up with my wife

Emmitt B. Feldner  for The Review

When it comes to new technology and toys, I’m usually behind – often far behind – my wife.

So when I beat her to anything new – even the latest cell phone – that’s something remarkable.

Never mind that it was her idea in the first place and, the next chance she got, she jumped back ahead of me.

It doesn’t bother me and, with other things, it just means her old stuff becomes new to me.

It was about a year ago that I was due for a new cell phone and Terry decided that I needed a major upgrade – to version III of one variety of smartphones.

This was one that takes pictures, surfs the Internet, plays music, shows movies and television shows, and I think will even make my eggs for breakfast – except that I don’t usually eat eggs for breakfast.

Up until that point, the only thing I wanted a cell phone for was to make telephone calls – it made sense to me.

I did download a few simple games to play on it and figured out how to load music on it, but that was the extent of my cell phone mastery – which was just fine with me.

But Terry dragged me into the next century – all right, maybe it was two centuries – and I got a new smartphone with all the bells and whistles.

I have to admit I’ve figured out how to use a lot of the features on it, though mainly just to say I can do them.

When it comes to most of the functions – like surfing the Internet or watching movies – I prefer to do it on a little bit bigger screen, thank you.

She did stay ahead of me by getting a tablet by the same company last fall, which she has made good use of.

As for me, about the only tablet I could handle might be a couple of tablets of stone – but then again, they’d probably be too heavy for me and I’d need a couple of aspirin tablets.

This month, it was Terry’s turn to be eligible for a new phone, so she decided to get version

IV of the phone I’ve got just so she could stay one step ahead of me.

She also decided it was time for a new moped, which she bought, and that meant I got her old one for my new one.

Actually, I was the one who needed a new moped, since the one she bought 12 years ago and then passed on to me when she bought a new one six years ago finally gave up the ghost after last year – and almost 10,000 miles.

I could have laid claim to the new moped, except for one small detail – she decided to buy a metallic pink moped.

I’ll admit there’s probably no color that looks good on me – or that I look good on – but pink would probably be taking it too far even for me.

So I wound up with her old gray moped, which already has about 6,000 miles on it.

When that one finally calls it quits in about a half dozen years or so, I think I’m going to demand the new moped.

Even with that much time to get ready, I don’t think I’ll be ready to look pretty on pink.

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