You can be sure I’ll put a lid on this ever happening again

FATHER’S DAZE
Emmitt B. Feldner  for The Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: Our columnist said his dog ate his column this week and knowing his dog, it probably did so we’re filling the space with this offering instead.

Apparently, it only takes a few lapses of memory to wipe out decades of doing something right.

That’s something I learned this last week – if I didn’t know it already – and you can be sure I’ll keep it in mind from here on out.

I’ve worked hard over the 37- plus years that Terry and I have been married to remember all the little things that too typically become the cause of big trouble.

For instance, I am proud to say that not once in all those years have I ever forgotten either her birthday or our anniversary.

Never once have I had to rush out on either of those most important of days to get her a card or flowers or a present after finally remembering at the last moment or, even worse, being reminded angrily by someone else who remembered what I didn’t.

And I’ve done all that remembering without using a calendar, a string around my finger or any other device or trick.

I did it for years before there were computer calendars or Facebook reminders to help me not to forget.

Trust me, my instinct for self-preservation has always been strong and remains so to this day.

With all that in mind, even I can’t explain my unfortunate lapses on several occasions recently.

It seems that a couple of times in the past few weeks I made the mistake of leaving the toilet seat up in the bathroom.

I learned very early in our marriage just how great a transgression that truly was, and I vowed never to make that mistake again.

It seems that leaving the toilet seat up ranks as one of the vilest offenses, one of the most mortal of sins, for my wife.

Who am I kidding, it’s the same for probably all members of the female gender, I would guess.

Who knows, it may have been because Adam forgot and left the toilet seat up too many times in the Garden of Eden that Eve even started hanging out with that serpent.

Anyway, I know better than to consciously leave the seat up – that’s a wrath I dare not invoke.

Yet somehow, it appears I slipped up a few times recently.

I could blame on the onset of senility, but I’m hoping that’s not the case just yet.

I suspect that it might have been after several of those middle-of-the-night urgent calls of nature that I seem to be having to answer more and more as I get older – perhaps the onset of something other than senility.

In that state of half-sleep, I’m just lucky I can even find the bathroom, let alone remember to put the seat down when I’m done.

That probably doesn’t explain it either, since apparently these transgressions weren’t all discovered the very first thing in the morning.

Let’s face it, like most of what I do – or don’t do – there was probably no rational explanation for my actions - or lack of action, more precisely.

That didn’t stop Terry from imputing the most vile and malevolent of motivations to my transgressions.

She apparently concluded that it must have been something that caused me to break a pattern of good behavior that lasted more than 35 years.

It took all my considerable powers of persuasion and then some to finally convince her that there was nothing sinister behind it and that it was a simple, unexplainable oversight on my part.

She finally accepted my explanation – or lack thereof – and forgave me my sins, although it took quite a bit of penance to achieve that.

All I can say is, you can be sure I won’t be forgetting May 23 or October 26 for the rest of this century and beyond.


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