Just don’t start singing these on the Fourth of July

FATHER’S DAZE
Emmitt B. Feldner  for The Review

Christmas is a season of traditions, so in that spirit, it’s time for me to trot out one of my traditions.

That’s right, I’m bringing back my updated versions of old favorite Christmas carols.

Don’t ask me how many years I’ve recycled this column – I can’t count that high.

Just figure it’s my way of making for a green Christmas, and reading this again will probably make most of you see red, so there you have it – red and green, Christmas colors.

I don’t know how any of these would sound performed by barking dogs, but I am certain that it would sound better than if I tried to sing them.

Just consider this my version of a Christmas fruitcake – and just like one of those, you’ll probably get this again next year.

(To the tune of “Deck the Halls”)

‘Tis the season to be busy,

Fa la la la la la la la la.

Mom and Dad are getting dizzy,

Fa la la la la la la la la.

Running here and running there,

Fa la la la la la la la la.

Pulling out what’s left of our hair,

Fa la la la la la la la la.

(To the tune of “God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen”)

God rest ye, frazzled pa-a-rents,

There’s no more gifts to wrap.

If we see one more Christmas toy,

Our brains are going to snap.

We’ve put them all together,

Every nut, bolt, screw and flap,

Oh, we need some aspirin right now,

Asp’rin right now,

Oh, we need some aspirin right now.

(To the tune of “Joy to the World”)

Joy to the world, the tree is up,

And all the light bulbs light.

We only broke three ornaments,

That’s four less than the year before.

And it’s up before midnight,

And it’s up before midnight.

It’s u-up, it’s u-u-up,

Before midnight.

(To the tune of “We Three Kings”)

Three more sacks of presents to wrap,

And I think I’m ready to snap.

Wrapping all night,

Now it’s dawn’s light,

I think I need a nap, oh, oh —

Christmas presents ‘neath the tree,

Piled so high ‘til I can’t see.

Just who’s paying,

I’m not saying,

Christmas don’t come for free.

Wrapping presents, what delight.

Staying up for half the night.

Fancy paper, ribbons, tape, they’re

All garbage by midnight.

(To the tune of “Hark, the Herald Angels Sing”)

Hear your credit card bills saying,

Come next June you’ll still be paying,

For the gifts you bought last fall

At every store inside the mall.

Half will be returned by New Year’s,

While the bills leave you in arrears.

To the poorhouse you’ll be sent

Thanks to all the dough you’ve spent.

Hear your credit card bills ay,

Come next year, you’ll pay and pay.

(To the tune of “O Christmas Tree”)

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

How painful are thy needles.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

How painful are thy needles.

Falling here and falling there,

Ground in the carpet everywhere.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

How painful are thy needles.

Stabbing me straight through the toe,

When barefoot past the tree I go,

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

How painful are thy needles.


Most recent cover pages:














Copyright 2009-2018 The Plymouth Review, All Rights Reserved

Contact Information

113 E. Mill St., Plymouth WI 53073
Local: 920-893-6411 Toll Free: 1-877-467-6591
Fax: 920-893-5505






Women's Civic Society