All I want for Christmas is for the music to stop

Emmitt B. Feldner • forThe Review

EDITOR’S NOTE: Our columnist says he’s giving everyone this early Christmas present – a holiday column from last year. He also says it’s one size fits all, so there’s no refunds, returns or exchanges. All we can say is, at least it’s not a fruitcake.

You know it’s Christmas season when all the Christmas music starts playing on the radio and in stores everywhere.

The only problem is, that seems to mean that Christmas season begins right after Halloween according to those who program the music.

Which only tends to prove that Scrooges are made, not born.

It’s not that all of that Christmas music is so terrible – there are a lot of great Christmas songs of all kinds.

There’s also a lot of great Christmas cookies out there, but no one wants to eat nothing but Christmas cookies for every meal every day for two straight months.

And for all the good Christmas music you get to hear, you also have to endure “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” or “Christmas Don’t Be Late” by Alvin and the Chipmunks many more times than you ever want to – and I don’t know about you, but hearing either one of those any more than zero times is too many.

Some of it, of course, has to do with who’s performing the song, I suppose.

For instance, there are probably several versions of “Frosty the Snowman” that make me want to throw a snowball – or a small boulder – at the radio when they come on.

But on the other hand, nobody does that song better than our grandson’s third-grade class at their Christmas concert – at least, that’s the way I feel about it.

Just knowing the back story of some Christmas songs can color one’s perception of them as well.

For instance, “The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)” was actually written by Mel Torme on a hot August day in California – knowing that, does it still make you feel like Christmas?

And the more you know about some Christmas songs, the less spirit they engender.

Take “Jingle Bells” for instance – which doesn’t even mention Christmas, by the way.

There are four verses to this song, but people usually only sing the first.

That’s because the other verses are about getting stuck in a snowbank, getting tipped over in the sleigh and falling on your back as someone rides by laughing at you.

What all that has to do with Christmas I’m not sure, but I am sure I’ll hear it dozens of times between Halloween and Christmas every year.

There are, of course, some Christmas songs that rightly get forgotten soon after they come up – except that there’s so many Christmas albums and Christmas playlists to fill every year that somebody brings them back to life.

This year, it seems, that includes a Christmas song as old as I am that’s been in a certain television commercial that somehow can’t be avoided.

Thanks to that, I not only don’t want a hippopotamus for Christmas, I don’t think I want to see a hippopotamus ever again.

Did I say, Bah, Humbug?

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